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[Editor’s note: Steve Burgess is an accredited spin doctor with a PhD. in Centrifugal Rhetoric from the University of SASE, situated on the lovely campus of PO Box 7650, Cayman Islands. In this space he dispenses PR advice to politicians, the rich and famous, the troubled and well-heeled, the wealthy and gullible.]
Dear Dr. Steve,
B.C. Premier David Eby recently declared that an Alberta separatist group that met with Trump administration officials in a bid for funding was engaged in “treason.” Alberta Premier Danielle Smith replied, “I’m not going to demonize or marginalize a million of my fellow citizens when they’ve got legitimate grievances.”
Is Eby correct, Dr. Steve? Or is Premier Smith taking the right approach?
Signed,
Rocky
Dear Rocky,
Alberta has a message for Premier Eby — who made you the judge, dude? Show some humility here, like Danielle Smith. She knows that just because avowed separatists are openly meeting with a foreign power, seeking billions of dollars to break up this country, it doesn’t mean you can call them “traitors.” The proper name is “voters.” Let’s not marginalize people. Especially people who might shortly acquire billions of dollars.
Certainly, the Alberta separatists have some rich and powerful friends, such as U.S. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, who recently called Alberta “a natural partner for the U.S.” Bessent seems to be competing with U.S. Ambassador to Canada Pete Hoekstra for the title of “Most Likely to be Coated in Tasty Seal Fat and Left on an Arctic Ice Floe.” It doesn’t help that Bessent has the smug look of a banker with resting foreclosure face.
As for Smith, she still insists she’s a flag-waving Canadian patriot, one who just happens to be quietly pushing a fall separatist referendum. Smith is like someone driving around in a leaky tuna truck, claiming to be perplexed about where all the cats are coming from.
The timing is pretty weird though. Why would anyone be eager to join the U.S. at this moment? Sure, standing for two anthems before the puck drops is a pain, but still — making a push to join the United States seems like snapping up bargain real estate in Pompeii. Dr. Steve can’t figure it out. Then again, some things must always remain beyond our knowledge, such as the essence of the divine, the contents of the human soul, or the Melania documentary. But honestly, does anyone yearn to join a country where pretty soon even the doorbells will play Kid Rock? And at least in Canada you know there’s no risk of bumping into Kristi Noem, unless you’re shopping at Spirit Halloween.
Jeff Rath, legal counsel of the separatist Alberta Prosperity Project, told the Globe that discussions had been held about a $500 billion line of credit from Washington. Of course, the separatists claim they want their own country, an independent Alberta. But if you’re asking Donald Trump for $500 billion, he’s going to want your golf courses at the very least. If there’s one thing we know about Trump, he’s grabby. Alberta separatists ought to be nervous about a U.S. takeover, though. The way Trump kept confusing Greenland with Iceland in his Davos speech, there’s a chance he might screw up and invade Albania.
All things considered, Premier Eby is well within his rights to describe Alberta’s disgruntled klavern as traitors. As for Premier Smith, it’s easy to believe she harbours a secret desire to be the 51st state. Smith and Trump certainly share basic values, like the one about windmills causing cancer. So, when it comes to denying support for Alberta separatism, it seems Smith doth protest too much. She should probably be careful about that — in some states, it can get you killed. ![[Tyee]](/design-article.thetyee.ca/ui/img/yellowblob.png){kind=small}
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